addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
