That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
