butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
