Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
