took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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