I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
