did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
