This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
