This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is this the sara with the beer cane?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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