Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
