His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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