god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize