I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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