I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
