Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
