you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
