He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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