why didn't you poke me back
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just gargled with NyQuil
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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