yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize