All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
