I can feel you judging me through the phone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
