Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
