Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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