I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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