Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
