we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
