You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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