another moral hangover. fuck.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
