We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
