Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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