their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
