So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
