i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
