I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Everyone says I win the strip club
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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