i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
