Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just puked most of my soul out..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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