You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
