I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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