i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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