i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
