i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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