The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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