He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
