Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
