Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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