my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
