the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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