Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
