She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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