Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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