I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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