If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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