Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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