So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
