nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
