I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
