So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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