i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
