woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
