Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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