sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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