He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
