in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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