Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
