somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
